Granny's P.I.

Two old ladies must find a way to get a heavy murder victim back to the lab.

Transcript

16. Doris: We can’t just put the poor dead in the trunk
17. Doris: Heaven forbid someone gets the idea we’re behind this.
18. Francine: Well Shoot, Doris-
19. Francine: I didn’t turn off my program,
20. Francine: search half the county for some corpse,
21. Francine: drag him up and down these hills,
22. Francine: Just to leave him on the side of the road!
23. Francine: Just to leave him on the side of the road!
24. Doris: I didn’t say we were going to leave him on the side of the road,
25. Doris: I just don’t think we want a body in the trunk.
30. Francine: We?
31. Francine: You mean YOU, don’t want to put him in the trunk-
32. Francine: I DO want to put him in the trunk.
33. Francine: I assumed that was the plan, when you said-
34. Francine: “Let’s find the body,
35. Francine: “and bring it back to Marty at the morgue.”
36. Doris: I suppose we don’t have many other options…
37. Francine: Of course we don’t have any other options.
38. Francine: We can dry clean your seat covers once we crack the case.
39. Francine: Now help me lift this sucker.
43. Doris: Ohhh!
44. Doris: He ate just a few too many pieces of pecan pie.
45. Francine: Quit your moanin’!
46. Francine: We need some momentum.
47. Francine: Swing with me, we’ll toss him on three.
49. Francine: One!
50. Francine: Two!
51. Doris: He’s Slipping!
52. Doris: He’s Slipping!
53. Francine: Three-
60. Doris: My nylons!
61. Francine: I’ll tell you what, if he wasn’t dead before,
62. Francine: He sure is now!
63. Doris: Francine!
64. Doris: Show some respect!
65. Francine: I’ll pay my respects later!
66. Francine: Heck, I’ll buy him a bouquet of Zellias with the reward money, put it on his grave!
67. Francine: We’ll figure that out later..
68. Francine: Now go over there, I’ve got an idea.
71. Francine: Here goes nothing!
132. Doris: Got him!
146. Doris: Son of a biscuit, and cover it in gravy.
147. Francine: May I remind you, if we go to jail,
148. Francine: This was all your idea.
149. Doris: It’ll be fine.
150. Doris: Let’s just give em’ the old granny Lorain routine.
151. Francine: You’ve got to be kidding me...
152. Doris: I don’t need your mouth!
153. Doris: You know they always buy it.
154. Doris: Just behave.
155. Francine: But it’s so degrading…
156. Doris: Don’t test me!
163. Mike: Y’all alright?
168. Doris: Thank heavens you’re here!
169. Doris: We seem to have gotten lost on the way to our needle point convention!
170. Doris: You’re the answer to our prayers!
171. Doris: The sweet Lord sent us an angel in khaki and leather!
172. Mike: Is everything okay miss?
173. Doris: Oh, heavens no sweet child!
174. Doris: Miss was my mother, call my granny Loraine!
175. Doris: We’re practically family!
176. Mike: I’m on duty ma’am, If I can just…
177. Doris: Of course, of course, you must be starving!
178. Doris: Lucky for you, no one goes hungry on Granny Loraines watch.
179. Doris: Ethel, be a dear and get our friend some food from the backseat!
182. Francine: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?
184. Doris: Sill me, how could I forget!
185. Doris: She isn’t wearing her hearing aid!
186. Doris: CAN YOU GET HIM SOMETHING TO EAT FROM THE BACKSEAT!
188. Francine: PUT SOME MEAT IN THE TRACK CLEATS?
189. Doris: GET HIM SOME FOOD FROM THE BACK SEAT!
190. Francine: Oh..
191. Francine: Absolutely!
197. Mike: Listen Lady, let’s cut to the chase.
198. Mike: It looked like you and your sister were putting something fishy in the trunk.
199. Mike: Let me take a look, and I’ll be on my way.
200. Doris: Oh, that was nothing!
201. Doris: Just a bag of tools to patch up a flat!
202. Mike: I thought you said you two were lost?
203. Mike: You expect me to believe the two of you could change a tire all by yourselves?
204. Doris: You kids and your jokes!
205. Doris: If you can point us our way on a map,
206. Doris: We can let you be on your way,
207. Doris: And we will be on ours…
208. Mike: I’d be happy to help you,
209. Mike: right after I take a look in the back.
210. Doris: That really won’t be necessary!
211. Doris: I haven’t even shown you my grandkids!
212. Doris: And look, a kitty!
214. Mike: Ma’am, that’s a raccoon.
215. Mike: Now please move!
233. Doris: Heaven have mercy on my soul!
234. Doris: What’s a man doing sleeping in our station wagon!
235. Doris: Ethel, do you know this man!
236. Francine: YOU’RE RIGHT!
237. Francine: HE COULD USE A TAN!
238. Mike: Cut the crap!
239. Mike: You two are under arrest, you have the right to..
240. Mike: Right to…
246. Doris: Francine!
247. Doris: He’s died of shock!
248. Francine: No!
249. Francine: While you were using the Granny Loraine routine!
250. Francine: While you were using the Granny Loraine routine!
251. Francine: I used the sedatives on the lemon bars routine!
252. Doris: We’re private detectives, not vigilantes!
253. Francine: He’ll be fine. Besides, they don’t have any evidence we were ever here!
254. Francine: We’ve got a murder to solve!
256. Doris: And cats to feed…