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Navigating Conflict

Lara Hogan
October 13, 2021
3
260

Navigating Conflict

In this workshop, we’ll demystify the difference between healthy vs unhealthy conflict and provide tools for navigating either kind.

Attendees walk away with easy methods to remember what steps to take in conflict and disagreements, how to prepare for a conflict conversation when you can, and how to respond in real-time if you’re caught off guard by one, and how to ensure your needs are met without trampling over those of others.

Created in collaboration with Paloma Medina.

Lara Hogan

October 13, 2021
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Transcript

  1. Navigating Conflict
    Lara Hogan, Coach + Trainer
    In collaboration with Paloma Medina
    Copyright 2020

    View Slide

  2. negative to
    positive statements
    ?
    1

    View Slide

  3. negative to
    positive statements
    6
    1

    View Slide

  4. negative to
    positive statements
    20
    1

    View Slide

  5. View Slide

  6. What makes
    bad conflict?
    The wrong time
    The wrong data
    Stubbornness
    {

    View Slide

  7. ● The Right Time
    ● The Right Data
    ● The Right Flexibility

    View Slide

  8. The Right Time

    View Slide

  9. Prefrontal
    cortex
    (PFC)
    THE RIGHT TIME

    View Slide

  10. THE RIGHT TIME

    View Slide

  11. View Slide

  12. THE RIGHT TIME

    View Slide

  13. Have a back-pocket script.
    THE RIGHT TIME

    View Slide

  14. The Right Time:
    Don’t enter with a hijacked
    amygdala.
    Have a “back pocket” exit.

    View Slide

  15. The Right Time:
    Work weekly on
    emotional regulation skills.
    PRO
    LEVEL

    View Slide

  16. The Right Data

    View Slide

  17. Facts
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  18. AMYGDALA WARNING #1
    You never… You always… Everytime…
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  19. ✓ Sometimes…
    ✓ Recently…
    ✓ There’s been a few times…
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  20. Impact
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  21. Your Role
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  22. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up earlier.”
    “I wish I knew what to do here.”
    “I realize I’ve been really cranky, which
    isn’t helpful.”
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  23. View Slide

  24. AMYGDALA WARNING #2
    The mic drop.
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  25. ✓ Always collect their side of
    the equation.
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  26. “Will you say more about…”
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  27. THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  28. AMYGDALA WARNING #3
    It doesn’t seem like you care about
    hearing their answers.
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  29. Affirmation is required
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  30. “I sense that”
    “I get that”
    “It sounds like”
    Verbal
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  31. Verbal
    Tone
    “I sense that”
    “I get that”
    “It sounds like”
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  32. Nodding
    Soft eye contact
    Leaning in
    Verbal
    Tone
    Body
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  33. AMYGDALA WARNING #4
    “I’m sorry you took it that way…”
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  34. AMYGDALA WARNING #5
    “That’s not what I meant!”
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  35. ✓ “Thank you for telling me.”
    THE RIGHT DATA

    View Slide

  36. Focus on the future

    View Slide

  37. Them:
    “It would be cool if
    next time…”
    “How do we handle this
    differently next time?”
    You:
    “What if next time I…”
    “What could I do
    differently next
    time?”
    FOCUS ON THE FUTURE

    View Slide

  38. The Right Data:
    Your side of the facts,
    impact (feelings), role.
    Their side (open questions).
    Focus on the future.

    View Slide

  39. The Right Flexibility

    View Slide

  40. View Slide

  41. Us Them
    How
    (position)
    No, we will own
    all 200 acres.
    We will own
    all 200 acres.

    View Slide

  42. Us Them
    How
    (position)
    No, we will own
    all 200 acres.
    We will own
    all 200 acres.
    Need
    (why?)
    We don’t want to
    look for a new source
    of orange juice.
    We need the
    orange pulp.

    View Slide

  43. How
    (position)
    We sell you
    the land,
    you give us
    reduced rates
    on the pulp for
    15 years.
    We own
    the land,
    we supply
    the pulp
    for free for
    8 years.
    We keep the
    land, and
    you lease half
    the acres from
    us at a below-
    market rate.
    Need
    (why?)
    We don’t want to
    look for a new source
    of orange juice.
    We need the
    orange pulp.
    A B C

    View Slide

  44. Be creative and flexible
    about the how.
    Be firm about the
    core need.

    View Slide

  45. How
    (position)
    I want you to talk to
    me and the team
    differently.
    You’re an adult, you
    can handle my
    critique.
    Need
    (why?)
    I want to be on a team
    where we all try to be
    better to each other.
    I think critique is how
    we get better as a
    team.

    View Slide

  46. How
    (position)
    Need
    (why?)
    I want to be on a team
    where we all try to be
    better to each other.
    I think critique is how
    we get better as a
    team.
    We can give any
    and all negative
    feedback at a Friday
    THUNDERDOME
    feedback meeting.
    For the next 3 weeks
    we start all critique with
    “Here’s what’s hard...”
    and vow to avoid
    mean adjectives like
    “stupid” or “ridiculous”.
    A B

    View Slide

  47. How
    (position)
    Need
    (why?)
    I want to be on a team
    where we all try to be
    better to each other.
    I think critique is how
    we get better as a
    team.
    We can critique
    whenever and
    however, but
    always standing
    on one leg.
    C

    View Slide

  48. ❏ I think the one thing that matters most to me is ____________.
    What matters most to you most about this?
    ❏ Which parts of my first idea are the worst for you?
    Is there a part that would work for you?
    ❏ What one thing do you wish you could change about this?
    ❏ What’s one thing that would make this feel 20% better for you?
    ❏ On the GAS scale… I’m a 9 about the color (I care A LOT), but a 2
    about the timeline. What about you?
    ❏ Your question: ______________________________________

    View Slide