Dealing with People You Can't Stand - Big Design 2015

My talk for Big Design 2015. A framework for understanding individuals.

Transcript

1. DEALING WITH PEOPLE Y U CAN’T STAND @cassininazir CASSINI NAZIR the best in people How to bring out at their worst
2. the best in people How to bring out at their worst
3. YOU’LL LEARN WHY HOW WHAT Why otherwise normal people behave terribly What are the essentials of communication How to deal with the most common difficult people
4. MY STORY
5. THE FOUR INTENTS 01 WHY Why otherwise normal people behave terribly
6. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE MORE LESS
7. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS FOCUS
8. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS
9. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GET APPRECIATED GET ALONG GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS
10. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS NORMAL ZONE GET ALONG
11. GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING NORMAL ZONE
12. GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING NORMAL ZONE
13. GET IT ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
14. GET IT DONE Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
15. GET IT DONE Given the figures and taking into account ... GET IT ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
16. GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
17. GET IT DONE What does everyone think about this? GET IT RIGHT GET ... Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
18. GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG What does everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
19. GET IT DONE We should do this. I’ll tell you why ... GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET ... What does everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
20. GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET APPRECIATED We should do this. I’ll tell you why ... What does everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
21. GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET APPRECIATED We should do this. I’ll tell you why ... What does everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
22. TALKIN’ GOOD 02 WHAT What are the essentials of communication
24. DESIGN FOLK HAVE THE TOOLS EMPATHY MAP PERSONA AFFINITY DIAGRAM AEIOU A/B TESTING CONTEXTUAL INQUIRY ETHNOGRAPHY USER OBSERVATION MUSTACHES CONTEXT SCENARIOS USER JOURNEY MAP PARTICIPATORY DESIGN DESIGN WORKSHOPS SCENARIO SWIMLANES RITE METHOD DESIGN CHARETTE SKINNY JEANS
26. BLEND
27. BLEND I’ll have what she’s having. Meet them on common ground by mirroring certain behavior COMMUNICATES LOOKS LIKE Mirrors body posture, facial expressions, gestures, vocal tempo ACHIEVES Tacit but immediate rapport
28. REDIRECT BLEND
29. BLEND REDIRECT
30. REDIRECT Always blend before redirecting
31. Lorem ipsum Repeating specific words used by the individual SOUNDS LIKE BACKTRACK Lorem ipsum! ACHIEVES Yes, I am listening, Mr. Difficult Person
32. Achieve full understanding SOUNDS LIKE CLARIFY So you mean ... ACHIEVES Better understanding
33. Did I understand? Did I miss anything? Confirm you got it right. Don’t assume anything. SOUNDS LIKE SUMMARIZE ACHIEVES A stronger feeling of understanding
34. BLEND REDIRECT BACKTRACK CLARIFY SUMMARIZE
35. IDENTIFY POSITIVE INTENT FIND HIGH- VALUED CRITERIA PYGMALION POWER BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
36. STRATEGIES 03 HOW How to deal with the most common difficult people
37. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE NORMAL ZONE
38. GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
39. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE
40. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Nothing M aybe Yes Whiner No Nothing Think- They- Know-It- All Grenade Sniper Sniper Tank Know- It-All PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE
41. TASK FOCUS AGGRESSIVE Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE
42. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground ACTION PLAN ... SOUNDS LIKE
43. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack ACTION PLAN John SOUNDS LIKE John John John John
44. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point ACTION PLAN I hear that you have
 a problem with ... SOUNDS LIKE I understand that ...
45. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point 4. Aim for the bottom line ACTION PLAN I’m not willing to discuss if you are talking to me like this. When you can speak to me with respect, we’ll discuss. SOUNDS LIKE
46. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET ACTION PLAN 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point 4. Aim for the bottom line 5. Achieve peace with honor
47. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT
48. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points ACTION PLAN
49. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific ACTION PLAN I understand that ... And we both know ... So, what do you want?
50. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific 3. Shift the focus to solutions ACTION PLAN What can be done about this?
51. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific 3. Shift the focus to solutions 4. Show them the future ACTION PLAN
52. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific 3. Shift the focus to solutions 4. Show them the future 5. Draw the line ACTION PLAN No point complaining if nothing can be done. If you have a solution, my door’s open.
53. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING PEOPLE FOCUS PASSIVE GET ALONG Yes
54. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING PEOPLE FOCUS PASSIVE GET ALONG Yes Get commitments you can count on Blame them Shame them GOAL FOR YES PEOPLE DON’T Summon sincere care for them THE SECRET 1. Make it safe to be honest 2. Talk honestly 3. Help them learn to plan 4. Ensure commitment 5. Strengthen the relationship ACTION PLAN
55. RESOURCES 04 WHAT NOW Extend what you learned today
56. best in people Bring out the at their worst DOWNLOAD THIS DECK speakerdeck.com/cassininazir