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Ask vs. Guess Culture (lighting talk)

Ask vs. Guess Culture (lighting talk)

A talk on the ask vs. guess culture communication style difference (see http://www.thewire.com/national/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/19730/)

Presented July 2014 at New Relic engineering offsite, ~9 minutes: http://youtu.be/Fi9uBYIbNFc.

Katherine Wu

July 16, 2014
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Transcript

  1. You

  2. “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me in

    a difficult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture
  3. or

  4. Me: “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 


    ! ! for next week.” Dan hears
  5. Me: “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 


    ! ! for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears
  6. Dan: “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s

    so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” I think
  7. Dan: “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s

    so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” I think What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
  8. End Result Me “Why do we have so much food

    in the fridge?” Dan “I’m such a good husband.”
  9. Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you want


    (in the short-term) More open conflict Can make people feel uncomfortable
  10. Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite Hard

    if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues
  11. Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite Hard

    if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you
  12. If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close

    friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation
  13. If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might be

    
 unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”