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Ask vs. Offer Culture
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Katherine Wu
February 12, 2021
Business
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160
Ask vs. Offer Culture
Presented at WE Ignite 2021
Katherine Wu
February 12, 2021
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Transcript
@kwugirl Ask vs. Guess Cultures KWu, an Ask Culture person
Lead Software Engineer Offer
@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor Can Taylor stay with you?
@kwugirl You Jamie ? Taylor
@kwugirl You Jamie I’ll just tell them no. Taylor
@kwugirl You Jamie or Taylor
@kwugirl You Jamie Ugh, this puts me in a difficult
position. Taylor
@kwugirl “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me
in a difficult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture
@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations
@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations overview of cultures
@kwugirl
@kwugirl it’s OK to ask for anything + you’re OK
getting ‘no’ for an answer ASK
@kwugirl avoid asking unless the answer will be yes OFFER
@kwugirl extend out delicate feelers OFFER
@kwugirl don’t have to explicitly ask, others “perceive the need”
OFFER
@kwugirl if you accept, are you imposing too much? OFFER
@kwugirl putting others in the position of having to say
‘no’ seems rude OFFER
@kwugirl ASK OFFER Northeast Pacific Northwest Midwest
@kwugirl one culture ≯ another culture
@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations a few examples
@kwugirl “The Seattle No” https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4
@kwugirl Hey, I’m going to this party, do you want
to come?
@kwugirl Hmm that sounds interesting, I’ll have to check.
@kwugirl or
@kwugirl Oh yeah, maybe… + don’t hear from them again
about it
@kwugirl THIS MEANS NO. (not obvious to all of us)
@kwugirl
@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch
for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears
@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s
so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” I think
@kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food
in the fridge?” “I’m such a good husband.”
@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations pros/cons
@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you
want (in the short-term) More open conflict Can make people feel uncomfortable
@kwugirl Offer Culture Prioritizes not hurting feelings More polite Hard
if you’re bad at reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you
@kwugirl requests granted explicit verbal requests + implicit requests! proportion
of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests
@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations further considerations
@kwugirl personality family __context__
@kwugirl company culture
@kwugirl team culture
@kwugirl personal experiences
@kwugirl women “abrasive” “timid”
@kwugirl Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies
@kwugirl ???
@kwugirl family
@kwugirl family work
@kwugirl how well you know someone ??????? stranger BFF
@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations strategies for handling
@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make an Offer Culture
close friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation
@kwugirl If you’re from Offer Culture… Remember that people might
be unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”
@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations work situations
@kwugirl work situations general things to consider useful phrasings example
situations use your strengths
@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use
your strengths work situations general things to consider
@kwugirl short-term vs. long-term
@kwugirl relationships
@kwugirl how certain are you that the message you sent
was received in the same way?
@kwugirl don’t assume they… will react as you would are
unhappy with you
@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use
your strengths work situations useful phrasings
@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok
to say no.”
@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok
to say no.”
@kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “I understand if you’re
busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”
@kwugirl “Hey, remember when we talked about how I should
be more assertive? Well, _____”
@kwugirl discuss communication styles
@kwugirl “Sometimes I have trouble speaking up, it would really
help if…”
@kwugirl use this talk as an excuse!
@kwugirl “I went to this amazing talk at WE Ignite…”
@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use
your strengths work situations example situations
@kwugirl getting/giving help
@kwugirl
@kwugirl “I’m not sure I understand this feature.” (“Can someone
help me?”)
@kwugirl don’t assume silence == ok
@kwugirl “Do you have any questions for me?”
@kwugirl “What questions do you have for me?”
@kwugirl “We have a few options that work, A/B/C. Let
me know!”
@kwugirl Ask Manager & Offer Report positive reinforcement for saying
“no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask PAY ATTENTION
@kwugirl “People assume that if their boss is assigning them
a ton of work, there’s no point in speaking up” https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/ask-a-boss-how-do-i-get-more-attention-from-my-boss.html
@kwugirl additional situations to consider publish vs. pull managers https://medium.com/@wiredferret/publish-vs-pull-managers-e2b52a45d7e9
non-native language speakers https://medium.com/@mollyclare/taming-the-steamroller-how-to-communicate-compassionately-with-non-native-english-speakers-d95d8d1845a0 retros formats of messaging (phone call vs. Slack)
@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use
your strengths work situations use your strengths
@kwugirl meetings
@kwugirl be thoughtful, help each other
@kwugirl if you have any questions…
@kwugirl just ask. ;)